As I found myself watching and live Tweeting the 20/20 episode on Extreme Motherhood on ABC Friday night, I felt disappointed that once again mainstream media had let me down. It didn’t come as a complete surprise, but I really had hoped for better from them.

The show, for those of you who were occupying your time with better things (wise choice), consisted of segments on Orgasmic Birth, fake babies - women who buy Reborn dolls and treat them very much like real babies (um, yes, it was more than a little freaky), long-term (extended) breastfeeding - including a mention of 2 1/2 yr old twins still nursing (uh, what’s extreme about that?) as well as a few older children, serial surrogates, and home birth. The majority of the time seemed to be spent on the fake babies and the serial surrogates, with lesser amounts devoted to the rest. The least amount of time (and what I felt should have received the most) went to home birth.

The home birth segment had very brief interviews with Ricki Lake and Abbie Epstein (producers of Business of Being Born) and Laura Shanley (author of Unassisted Childbirth). There were no interviews with any midwives. There was no talk of the training midwives go through or the preparation that women who choose unassisted birth generally undertake. It all seemed very much focused on fear rather than offering up real information. The AMA says blah, blah, blah - nothing we haven’t heard before.

One of my main issues with the show was that it was not objective journalism at all. The correspondents spewed a lot of shock value comments instead of asking intelligent, thought-provoking questions. Maybe I’m naive to expect better from them.

Overall, I have to say I’m sorry I wasted my time watching it. I felt it was very exploitative. 20/20 gets a big ol’ Twitter Fail Whale from me. I don’t feel the show gave much, if any, useful information, except maybe some women will seek out Business of Being Born or Orgasmic Birth (which has a lot more to it than the name implies) after watching 20/20.

For those of you who are looking for some real information, you might be interested in reading my thoughts (and others’ thoughts) on orgasmic birth - Giving Birth can be good, ecstatic and even orgasmic or long-term breastfeeding Breastfeeding until age 3, 4 or 5 - more common than you think? - including a list of moms who have breastfed older children. I’ve also written about planning for a home birth and my home birth story.

Stumble it!

When my daughter was born four and a half years ago, I had no plan for how long I would breastfeed her, I just knew that I would start off breastfeeding and then go with the flow. It so happens that in our case going with the flow meant that one month shy of her fourth birthday she was still nursing (albeit only once a day), and as I would soon discover, we weren’t the only ones on this path.

I wrote my thoughts about this shortly before her fourth birthday in a post titled On Nursing a Preschooler.

I didn’t set out to nurse a preschooler, but somehow along the way, my sweet little baby grew from an infant to a toddler and eventually blossomed into a preschooler in what now seems like the blink of an eye. I am confident this won’t go on forever and when I look back on this time when she’s 10 or 20 or 30, and I look at the young woman she’s become, I am hopeful that I will feel good about the choices I made and have no regrets.

When I wrote that post I was feeling rather isolated and wondered if there were others who’d chosen (either deliberately or unintentionally) to take the long-term (a preferred alternative term to “extended”) breastfeeding route. I soon got my answer. I received 62 comments on that post. Amazingly none of them were negative and several came from women saying that they too nursed an older child and many thanked me for talking about it openly.

Lisa from The Joy of Six said, “I’m so glad you posted this. I’ve nursed mine until they stopped which has been anywhere from 14 mo to 4. Thanks for letting all those ‘closet nursing’ mommies know they aren’t alone.”

Melissa at Through My Window said: “The whole time I was nursing both of my girls past the age of 4 I always wished that I could talk about it and that more moms were willing to admit that they were nursing for a long time too. My girls only nursed at nap-time and bedtime as they became older which meant only 1-2 times/day. Of course, they are weaned now, but I have no regrets and I would absolutely nurse future children as long.”

Liesl from Come, Mommy, who was tandem nursing both her 4 1/2 year old and baby at the time, said:

Got a 4.5 year-old-nursling over here! Sometimes it is a lot to nurse two, but on the other hand, it’s one of the few times Liam will settle down for a bit. Then after he nurses, he’ll sit around and chat, and that’s when I often find out the things on his mind. And I think it’s eased his transition to brotherhood as well. Nursing a 4 year old is a very different thing than nursing a baby, and it is most definitely not for everyone, but overall I’m glad I stayed with it.

Nina (no blog listed) said:

I think it is important for those who think breast feeding a preschooler is *bad* that in many, many parts of the world this is quite normal. Only with the invasion of TVs and computers (whereby the views of more advanced countries are shown) have many moms stopped breastfeeding after about 1 year….they seem to think that the entire world is like that….

My mother was a midwife before she married my father and she very, very strongly rec. breast feeding until the child was ready to wean on his/her own….and this was back in the 50’s!

Heather at A Mama’s Blog shared with me a story from her former employer:

My old boss told me an interesting story a few years ago. He was in his 60’s at the time, and grew up in the country. He said when he went to school at lunch time the “little” boys about ages 6 and 7 would go home to nurse. There wasn’t a lot of food at that time, and the mothers also used it as a form of birth control.

I thought that was pretty interesting that just in the 1940’s, nursing a 6 and 7 year old was perfectly acceptable. Too bad we have come so far in the other direction in the last 60 years.

I also took an informal poll (if you will) on Twitter to see if others are nursing or have nursed children ages 3 and up. I was rather surprised by the number of replies I received.

• YogaLaura who blogs at Reflections on Yoga nursed her two children until they were 4 and 4 1/2 years old.
• CecilyC who owns CCSEO said, “My son nursed till he was 3 and a half. Seems perfectly natural to me!!”
• RamaMamma who writes at Possum and Bee said, “I breastfed my son until he was almost 4. Our last photo of him having a feed was in Jan ‘08, two months before his birthday.”
• EverydayYogini who blogs at Everyday Yogini nursed her daughter Clara until she was a little over 3.
• RockCandyTV founder of RockCandy.tv said she breastfed both of her kids until they were almost 4.
• GlamGranola who blogs at Crunchy with Style! nursed her son until he was 3+ and is nursing her daughter who is over 2 and showing no signs of weaning.
• CarrieLee from Natural Moms Talk Radio said her 3-year-old daughter is still nursing and her 5 1/2 year old nursed for the last time just a couple of months ago. Her other two children weaned at age 4 1/2. She wrote about her experiences of nursing through a pregnancy and tandem nursing.
• Another blogger, who chose to remain anonymous, said she nursed two of her children until they were about age 5.
• AshleeAllen, blogger of This Mama’s Nest, is in the process of weaning her 3-year-old son.
• Anaed, who blogs at Walking Barefoot on the Earth, breastfed her daughter until her 4th birthday and says that while it wasn’t always easy, the thing she enjoyed about nursing her until she was 4 was that she still had that “connection.”
• Spooky Girl from Spookiez Spot is still nursing her 3-year-old son.
• ErinEly owner of Ely Organics nursed both of her children, a daughter and a son, in the early 1990s for 4.2 years.
• ZRecsMom of the zrecs network is practicing child-led weaning and said her 4 1/2 year old daughter is “slooooowly weaning. Down to one right before bed and it lasts about four seconds total. Sometimes, not at all.”
• Sillysgood breastfed her daughter until just after her third birthday.
• Savvydoula who blogs at Savvy Doula said, “My son nursed until age 3, my daughter til age 4, and both tandem’d for 10 months.”
• Meant2beaMom who blogs at Perfectly Natural Photography said her oldest two kids were 3 when they weaned and her youngest weaned just a few months shy of his fourth birthday.

Tomorrow evening, Jan. 2, barring any late-breaking big news stories, ABC’s 20/20 is set to air an episode featuring segments on long-term (extended) breastfeeding, as well as home birth (both with and without midwives), serial surrogates (women that have numerous babies for other women), “fake babies” (life-like dolls), and orgasmic birth. I believe the title for the show is “Extreme Mothering.” You can see a preview of the breastfeeding segment, which included an interview with the mother of a 6-year-old boy who still nurses, as well as an interview with the boy, on ABC News.

Although I put together a decent little list of mothers and children who are long-term breast-feeders (and that’s without searching on the ‘net for other bloggers or celebrities - yes, there are some), there will, undoubtedly, still be those who think it is weird, gross, damaging, or just plain wrong. If you find yourself in that camp, you might want to consider the following.

• The American Academy of Pediatrics says, “Pediatricians and parents should be aware that exclusive breastfeeding is sufficient to support optimal growth and development for approximately the first 6 months of life‡ and provides continuing protection against diarrhea and respiratory tract infection. Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child.” AAP goes on to say, “There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer.” (AAP 2005)
• The World Health Organization recommends “infants should be exclusively breastfed(1) for the first six months of life to achieve optimal growth, development and health(2). Thereafter, to meet their evolving nutritional requirements, infants should receive nutritionally adequate and safe complementary foods while breastfeeding continues for up to two years of age or beyond.“
• The American Academy of Family Physicians recommends that breastfeeding continue throughout the first year of life and that “Breastfeeding beyond the first year offers considerable benefits to both mother and child, and should continue as long as mutually desired.” They also note that “If the child is younger than two years of age, the child is at increased risk of illness if weaned.” (AAFP 2001)
• Former US Surgeon General Antonio Novello, MD has stated that it is a lucky baby who continues to nurse until age two.
• When to Stop Breastfeeding Your Child: A Case for Extended Nursing includes the many benefits of extended nursing
• Additionally, there are more position statements from various organizations linked up on KellyMom

But wait, there’s more. According to Summer Minor in her post Is 4 too old to be breastfed?,”Biologically, 4 years is still in the normal range for humans.”

The book Breastfeeding: Biocultural Perspectives contains a wonderful section called “A Time to Wean: The Hominid Blueprint for a Natural Age of Weaning in Modern Human Populations.” by Katherine A. Dettwyler, Ph.D. Dr. Dettwyler is an award winning anthropologist, professor, and breastfed her daughter until she was 4 years old. In the section Dettwyler compares various primates, including humans, to find what the biological norm would be for humans. She found that the natural age for modern humans based on our size, development, and life span is between 2.5 years and 7 years. A child still nursing at 4 years old is normal, natural, and OK.

If you find yourself long-term nursing your child, there’s a good chance that at some point you will run into criticism from others. La Leche League International has some good advice for handling criticism from family, friends or even complete strangers.

If you’re facing criticism, remember that they may simply be uninformed about the benefits of extended breastfeeding or perhaps they feel guilt about their own parenting choices. Consider responding to unwelcome comments by:

• Ignoring: walking away or changing the subject.
• Informing: sharing books, articles, or a medical professional’s thoughts on extended nursing.
• Using Humor: making a joke about the situation or yourself, not the other person.
• Acknowledging: recognizing the person’s viewpoint and asking further questions without agreeing or disagreeing
• Empathizing: being empathetic to demonstrate that you understand the other person’s feeling and meaning (Vakiener 1999).

Dr. William Sears has some advice about handling the criticism as well. Here are some things he suggests you keep in mind:

• Science is on your side.
• World opinion is on your side.
• It’s better for your health.
• It’s better for your toddler’s behavior.
• Blame it on your doctor.
• Let your child silence the critics.

For more information about each of these suggestions, visit Ask Dr. Sears: Extended Breastfeeding — Handling the Criticism.

There’s additional information about Handling Criticism about Breastfeeding at KellyMom.

Speaking of KellyMom, which is a wonderful resource for all things breastfeeding, if you are the mother of a long-term nurser and are looking for support, check out their forums. There’s a forum for nursing children ages 3 and up. There are also forums for the toddler years - ages 12-24 months and ages 24-36 months.

While I decided to focus primarily on older children in this post, many women on Twitter chimed in that they are nursing their kids to age two as well, including: Reiza at Stepping Off the Spaceship, Summer at Wired for Noise, Mom Most Traveled, Annie at PhD in Parenting, Sherri at Recovering Sociopath, and Sara (who was breast-fed herself until age 4 1/2) at Custom-Made Milk, among others.

While I’m sure some of my relatives thought my daughter would nurse “forever,” I can assure you she did not. Her last nursing was on Oct. 3, 2008, at age 4 years, 3 months and 11 days. It was mostly child-led, although I did nudge her a bit at the end. I felt that she was ready, but needed a little extra push (and I knew I was ready). It was bittersweet, but I think it went quite smoothly. I hope to write about the experience one day soon before I forget it. It is yet to be seen what my son will decide to do. As for now, he’s still going strong nursing at 25 months.

It is my hope that as a result of segments like the one on 20/20 and the fact that more women are feeling comfortable speaking out about long-term nursing (as evidenced by all of the comments and Tweets I received), that others will not feel like they need to be “closet nursers” nor feel pressured by family, friends or society in general to wean before they feel it is right for them and their child. Let’s trust our judgment to do what’s right for our child and trust the judgment of other moms to do what’s right for their child too.

Cross-posted on BlogHer. I’d love it if you’d share your comments there too! :)

Stumble it!

I wrote about my unhappiness over this nearly a year ago and, other than some minor things, I did not do much to work on it over the past year. However, in 2009, I am swearing I will do something. I can’t keep ignoring my problems and my past and treating the people I love in a way that goes against everything I believe in. I am going to seek out a counselor/therapist/psychologist/head shrinker/whatever you want to call it and start therapy.

Yes, my big goal for 2009 is to take care of my mental and emotional health. I have shied away from seeking therapy in the last few years because I don’t want to dredge up old memories, feelings, etc. It’s so much easier to repress them and live in denial, but it’s taking it’s toll on the little people who matter the most to me - my children. I’ve also had logistical excuses issues - who will watch the kids while I saw a therapist?

But that’s it - NO more excuses. I don’t want to be that person. I know I can do better. I think that by dealing with the past rather than forgetting it I can be a better mom, a better wife, a better sister and daughter and a better friend.

It will likely be a slow process. One day at a time. One step at a time. But the important part is that the process is started. I’m ready.

And I figure by documenting it here, you all can hold me accountable. If I don’t write about my new therapist in another month or two, feel free to get on my case. ;)

What is YOUR big goal for 2009?

I want to wish you all a Happy and Healthy New Year. Thanks for sticking with me and being a part of Crunchy Domestic Goddess! :)

Stumble it!

Note: I wrote this nearly a week ago for BlogHer, where it is cross-posted.

The holiday season is in full force - a time that, at least in theory, should be filled with joy and happiness. But what if you find yourself having feelings that are far from those of joy and happiness? Feelings of hopelessness, agitation, guilt and even lifelessness? According to an online survey conducted by Working Mother magazine, you aren’t alone. The survey, which included responses from 500 moms, concluded that "an overwhelming 91 percent" of working moms suffered some symptoms of depression.

Suzanne Riss, editor-in-chief of Working Mother called the trend "an epidemic."

While many people are familiar with postpartum depression in the months after giving birth, Riss said, "people don’t really think about the fact that a couple of years later a lot of women are experiencing depression." And some even experience it a decade into their children’s lives.

The survey was part of an article on Working Mother about working moms and depression and includes personal stories from some moms who have experienced depression, as well as life-altering solutions.

Heather from A Mama’s Blog, who works part-time outside the home, recently wrote about her feelings of guilt when she had to miss her son’s preschool winter concert.

I have been at my job for fifteen months, and I haven’t missed anything that I felt guilty about in my boys’ lives. But that is going to change this week. Ryan’s preschool is having a winter concert later this week. The kids have been practicing their songs for a few weeks now. I hear Ryan practicing his song, and humming the tune. He sounds so cute singing it, and he is so excited. The school is having the concert at a local church, so it is a very big deal.

Except I can’t go…

I know I shouldn’t be sad- I should be thankful I have a job, and I am, but how do you balance out the grown-up responsibilities that you must fulfill with knowing you will miss your little boy singing about seven little penguins who are cold?

Laurel from Parenting Diva has dealt with depression and shares something I think most moms - working outside the home or not - can relate to, not having enough time for everything:

"I suffered from depression beginning with my pregnancy and I continued to experience it up until my oldest was about a year old. Of course I, like many others, did not go to the doctor concerning it. Perhaps this is why depression isn’t seen as the epidemic that it is.

There was the time factor. Who can take off work and has a babysitter to go to the doctor because you aren’t feeling like yourself and are feeling “down”? Then there is the “stigma” with depression. If you aren’t loving life (especially while & after having this “bundle of joy”) then something definitely must be wrong with you. And lastly, like everything else in life, you figure…eventually it will go away."

Laurel goes on to add:

I figure there are all types of depression & some probably need to be medically diagnosed and treated. But a lot of things we can take care of ourselves if we just stop, listen to our lives and create a plan. Unfortunately, like with myself, it often takes many years of living & learning as women before we wake up and ask ourselves what’s important and what we really should be doing with our lives.

A woman who goes by "Neuromom" made some good points about the results of the survey in her comment on Mommy Trackd:

I agree that depression is a big problem - especially for women and especially for mothers. However, reports like this one should be interpreted in context. First, it is critical to know the percentage of NON-working mothers who are depressed. Otherwise there is no way to assess the effect of working of depression. Second, an online survey isn’t a great way to gauge depression rates because the survey responders do not constitute a random sample. The actual percentage of working mothers suffering from depression could be higher or lower- we have no way of knowing.

I think it’s safe to say that many mothers - whether they work outside the home, at home, or are stay-at-home moms - are dealing with depression. Hopefully surveys and articles such as the one Working Mother had, combined with more women writing and talking about it, will contribute towards fighting the stigma that often accompanies depression and more women will feel OK talking about it and reaching out for help.

Additional resources:
Postpartum progress by Katherine Stone
Depression Help Center from WebMD
FAQ - Depression During and After Pregnancy from womensHeath.gov

Stumble it!

The last five days have been pretty spectacular. For starters, Jody had them all off of work so we got a lot of family time in and then a lot of productive house cleaning/fixing up in as well. My parents (who were here from MI) and sister were here for Christmas day. I cooked another turkey (nearly 20 lb.’er - but this time got all of the giblets out BEFORE I cooked it - Woot!) and they supplied all of the side dishes. I also made a chocolate cream pie and an apple crisp for dessert. Everything was quite tasty.

For a year when the economy has been in the crapper and talk of recession, recession, depression(?) is everywhere, we enjoyed a very plentiful Christmas present-wise and I’m very thankful for all that we have been blessed with - health, family, friends, job security, a home, etc. We might not be in our dream home, but we have a roof over our head (and although it doesn’t look that way from the pic below, clothes on our backs) and, despite my whining, that really does mean a lot.

I had suspicions that Jody was getting me an iPhone for Christmas, but when I unwrapped the box and saw Google on it, I thought he was either giving me his new G1 phone that he’d just been given by Google for his Christmas bonus or he’d bought me my own. I opened the box and there was the G1. I tried to act not totally crushed happy, but I was bummed it wasn’t an iPhone. Jody told me the battery was underneath it in the box, but when I went to get it out I saw … a sexy, sleek, shiny new iPhone underneath! Squeeee!!! :) Then he asked me for the iPhone and when gave it back to me and there was Rick Astley singing “Never Gonna Give You Up.” He rick-rolled me - twice, but I got my Precious iPhone so who cares! ;P

Jody also got us a family Christmas present of the Wii Fit and I have to say I am really digging it. I’ve been on it for the past three days and, while that’s not much, I haven’t tired of it yet. There’s quite a bit to it to keep it interesting and I’m looking forward to getting a regular exercise routine into my life. My body has been hinting at me that I should get in better shape so hopefully this will help me take better care of myself.

The kids got a ton of books this year, a handmade wooden farm set, as well as a wooden retro play kitchen (from Costco Santa) that Jody Santa was up until 3 a.m. on Christmas Eve assembling. As for me Mrs. Claus, I she was only up until 2 a.m. wrapping presents on Christmas Eve. Whew! I also dyed about 10 new play silks that we used for wrapping “paper.” They turned out beautifully and make great toys in and of themselves.

They also got a slew of stuff from both sets of grandparents which were opened on Christmas eve - mostly books, clothes, art supplies and a few large (ahem) plastic toys - a firetruck and Easy Bake Oven.

Two days after Christmas and a full month after it had been put up, the Christmas tree and all of it’s decorations were taken down. I needed my living room back and to get the new toys into new homes. The disorganization was weighing heavily on me (AKA stressing me out!).

Two little helpers ate some of the tree decorations before they made their way outside for the birds. The cranberries I’d strung up went out for the birds but haven’t been touched yet. What the heck, birds? Not good enough for ya? :P

After much cleaning (thank you, Jody) and some rearranging, I was very happy with the results of the livingroom overhaul.

My plan for the next week (Jody has another several days off for New Year’s) is to continue cleaning, rearranging and organizing the house - one room at a time. I’ve been overwhelmed with clutter and disorganization for so long, but holding out with the hope that we’ll move into a bigger house and it would all magically disappear then. I’ve realized, however, that we will likely be in this house a while longer and, in an effort to make our time here more pleasant and manageable (and to save my waning sanity), it would behoove me to do whatever I need to do to make organization a priority.

I worked on the dining room a bit today and little by little, it will all get done. :) I can do this!

Hope you and yours had a happy, healthy holiday and a happy return to normalcy too - as normal as life gets.

Note: If the quality of some of the pictures posted here seems lacking, that’s because it is but only because they were taken with my iPhone. ;)

Stumble it!

From me and mine to you and yours - Happy Holidays!

Stumble it!

I’ve been wanting to get some new pictures of Ava and Julian together for a while. With Christmas right around the corner, I got my act together, cleared everything out of my dining room, transformed into a makeshift studio, and took these shots last week. When I sent them in to Costco to have them printed (not my usual printer, but an acceptable substitute especially when running short on time and cash), I didn’t expect a follow up phone call from a Costco employee asking if they were taken by a professional. I stumbled a bit before answering, “I took them.” She asked again, “You are the photographer?” And I said, “yes.” The employee said I’d have to sign a release when I came in to pick them up verifying that I took the pictures. Now I know I’m not the first person they’ve called like this and that they are only doing their job to protect copyrights, but I was flattered. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like a professional photographer and it was a nice reminder that maybe I could go back to photography again someday - if and when I’m ready. Thank you, Costco. ;)

This one has replaced a nearly 2-year-old picture of them on our living room wall.

And this one accompanied many of our Christmas cards because I just love their expressions. I won’t tell you what I had to do to get such belly laughs, but I will say I was acting pretty silly.

Sorry for the lack of content around here these past several weeks. I’m hoping that with the new year will come new motivation to blog and I will get back into the swing of things again.

See more Wordless Wednesday posts at the original WW home and at 5 Minutes for Mom.

Stumble it!

This weekend, thanks to my sister’s suggestion, the whole family went bowling. It was the first time for Ava and Julian (if you don’t count the Wii). ;)

Ava was happy to do it all by herself and, with the help of the bumpers in the gutters, bowled a pretty good game. (And yes, I think the tutu helped her game. *wink*)

Julian had a little extra help with the bowling ball stand (they didn’t have those when I was a kid) and bumpers and, of course, the moral support of his whole family. hee, hee.

We all had a lot of fun, so much that Ava said “we should go bowling every day” and asked if she could live there. :)

Here’s my Best Shot (Ava and I cheering for Julian’s spare!) taken by my sister Carrie, though I’m also quite fond of the picture of the one above - of all of us getting Julian set up to bowl. :)

What fun did you have this past week? Be sure and check out the other Best Shots.

Stumble it!

Christmas is just four days away now and I’m wondering how are you all doing with the No Plastic Holiday Challenge?

I’ve been doing pretty good myself. I haven’t been able to avoid plastic completely (and I didn’t expect to), but this challenge has made me much more aware of just how much plastic is out there. I almost hyperventilated walking through Target’s toy department the other day! Seriously! Ugh.

I managed to score some handmade wooden toys for the kids at a local craft show that I’m very pleased with. I also made them felt pizzas and they are getting lots of books, in addition to a wooden play kitchen from Costco, and a few things I picked up at the thrift store. I’m also dyeing some play silks that I will use to wrap their presents and they will, of course, double as toys. Play silks are awesome for imaginative play.

I can’t discuss anybody else’s presents here since they all can read, but (gulp) some plastic is involved.

So how about you? What worked? What didn’t? Do you have any plastic-avoiding tips to share?

Stumble it!

I know I just wrote about this topic last week, but I have more to share and wrote about it for BlogHer this week.

Last week, Lisa Belkin, parenting blogger at The NY Times, wrote about the upcoming 20/20 special on the film “Orgasmic Birth.” The topic apparently hit a nerve with many, many people as she quickly received more than 500 comments.

Many people, as to be expected, are skeptical.

Mir of Woulda Coulda Shoulda had the most humorous response I read to the idea.

As soon as I

1) Find a man with a 9-pound penis
and
2) Become drunk enough to let him put it inside me for thirty hours at a time

I’ll definitely see if those conditions can result in an orgasm.

But until then? Whatever, man.

Catherine, who blogs at Her Bad Mother, had similar feelings and said, “Me, personally …? I think that I’ll stick to getting my orgasms the old-fashioned way.”

The day after Lisa Belkin’s initial NY Times post she followed up with About that orgasmic birth… and went into a little more detail about the responses she received, the film and one of the women featured in the film.

I was not surprised at the number of comments that dismissed the possibility as a fairytale. I was very surprised at the number of women who wrote to say that they had experienced what the film explored. I was a little distressed at the hostility the first of these groups showed to the second. And I was somewhat surprised, and very pleased, to receive an e-mail from Tamra Larter, one of the subjects of the film, who had been following all the comments, and wanted to make a few of her own.

It’s really worth it to click over there to read what Ms. Larter had to say about the film and her birthing experience, but here’s a snippet.

“I hope people will see the film,” she wrote. “Then they will see that it is about much more than the title suggests. There are many choices and possibilities when it comes to birth.”

And she uses the word “orgasm” with conditions. “I never claimed to have a pain-free birth,” she wrote, “but laboring with my daughter was awesome and for the most part felt really good.” The actual “orgasmic experience” did not feel like the climax of sex, she says, but rather “sensations which were something different than sex, but similar enough I feel O.K. using the word orgasmic. It was a wonderful feeling.”

She also confessed that upon first hearing about the idea of orgasmic birth, she thought it was “gross,” “weird,” and “not possible,” but said it was before she had had any children and the only childbirth she had seen had been on TV.

After reading many comments and several blogs about this, I clicked over to the Orgasmic Birth web site, where I watched the trailer (again). The first time I watched it was many months ago and I felt a refresher was in order.

I admit that even with all of the birth videos I’ve watched in the past and my “crunchy” ways, it makes me shift uncomfortably in my seat to hear a woman making pleasurable sounds while in childbirth (or in any situation really). And yet, I see the whole “orgasmic birth” thing as being just a small piece of the film, and believe it is titled the way it is to grab our attention. (And it’s certainly worked, hasn’t it?) I still believe, as I wrote on my blog over a week ago, “that it does not appear they are not saying all women will have an orgasm or that an orgasm should even be the goal. I think the point is moreso that birth can be a good experience.”

Marsden Wagner, MD, who is interviewed in the film, makes an excellent point about childbirth saying, “It’s got to be like it is when you make love with someone. It’s got to be safe, secure and uninterrupted. And that is how you have an orgasmic birth.”

I do not want to turn this into a debate over home birth vs. hospital birth, but having had both types of births I will say I felt much more safe, secure and uninterrupted at home than I did in the hospital. Although I’m sure it’s possible, I think that for the most part, these “orgasmic births” are much more likely to occur in a birthing center or home environment than in the hospital.

I think the term “orgasmic birth” is subject to interpretation too and noticed that on the Orgasmic Birth site, in their call for birth stories they say, “Please share your ecstatic or orgasmic birth story with us.” I would never say that I had an orgasm while giving birth to my son, but the experience was amazingly intense and was one of the most empowering moments in my life. Does that mean it was an orgasmic birth? Maybe. Was it an ecstatic birth? I believe it was.

Ninotchka had an empowering birth experience as well and commented about it on my blog:

I can’t say that I had an orgasm while giving birth. But after birthing Elle right into my hand, I felt so triumphant and organically happy that I would certainly call that feeling “orgasmic.” It all happened so fast and we’d waited so long for that little sweetheart. It was a definite rush and I was absolutely elated.

I think giving birth will always conjure up different ideas and feelings for different people. No two births are exactly the same and I think that’s the way it should be. Innerbrat summed it all up nicely when she said, “The important thing here, as with everything regarding women’s health, is to give women the ownership of our own bodies, so we can make an informed, conscious decision about what’s best for us and our children; and the first and best way to be informed is to openly talk about the subject.”

ABC’s 20/20 special on Orgasmic Birth, which will also include segments on home birth (unassisted and midwife-attended) and long-term breastfeeding, is currently set to air Friday, Jan. 2, 2009.

Cross-posted on BlogHer.

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